Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Dreaming of Paris

When I was 19 , I went to Paris with a boyfriend, he was not the love of my life, and I probably should have split up with him and not gone . However Paris was too tempting, by the way I lived in England so it was no big deal to hop over the murky grey English channel, think Bridget Jones and her Mini breaks , just in case you thought I was being really horrible and taking advantage of him spending thousands of dollars from Oz to Paris to get there.
I fell in love with Paris, not my boyfriend. I loved the cafes and the cobbled streets, everyone seemed so chique. Even the check out chicks in the Supermarkets & Delis were tres chique.
Have you ever noticed how French people don't travel very much, they are too bloody happy in their own country being sophisticated. You can be in the middle of nowhere , on a remote Volcano somewhere and bet your bum, there will be an Aussie, a Kiwi, some Poms, and a smattering of Scandinavian's but no French people .
I'm Intrigued by them and all their Frenchness. There words even sound georgous , Le Voiture, Petit Chien, Oeuf and Fromage. I think I just wrote Car, small dog, Egg and cheese, doesn't have the same ring in English does it?.
Even Mr Prime Minister Sarkozy , has a bit of Man about Town too .Let's compare him with our Pollies, i'm struggling. What the hell are they going to think about Julia's God awful drone tone, I wonder. Is there a droning French equivalent I think not, I guess they will find out at the next International Summit. Ok, so I am banging on a bit but you get the idea.
Now back to me in Paris as an 19 year old and I am wearing an Orange fitted wool Blazer, with my black Kenzo top, and black pants with a pair of Shelley's Boots ( Shelley's was a fab shoe shop in Convent Garden ,London, ). I thought I was looking good, however as I ventured around Paris I became increasingly insecure as my Orange Wool Blazer was not cutting edge fashion, I felt like a huge beacon beaming on the streets of Paris. My boyfriend who was a real sweetie took me to Kookai and bought me a Pale dusty pink jacket, much better I hear you say with relief. If I was French this would never have happened, I would just be skinny and stylish from birth. Don't get me on to the skinny thing either, they consume serious amounts of Wine, Cheese , Chocolate Croissants, saddles of Beef and these women are Slinky slink slim. ( Slinky slink means you can wear slinky things ).
So during my Paris Mini break I soaked up as much Frenchness as I could, fought off advances from my boyfriend who was sweet but I just didn't fancy him, and vowed one day I would become effortlessly sophisticated too.
Did I achieve this? Well let's just say I'm a work in progress, but there have been no more Orange fitted Wool Blazers.

Monday, June 28, 2010

I do Like Mondays

Monday is the beginning of a new week, and things ( things being that are not immediately urgent, such as wiping your 3 year olds bottom, yet need to be done ), will happen this week .They got the shove last week, but, I am feeling positive. The rabble has left the house. I will have time and get organised.

A little list to start with.

I will lose weight this week, the lemon slice, alcohol ,chocolate and chips I had on the weekend does not count ( calories are fat free if consumed on the weekend , especially sundays and if you ate them with friends ).
The car will get serviced this week.
I will book the Orthodontist for my daughter's completely wonky teeth this week.
I will go and have a smear test.
Spend hours doing a family budget to see where our money is going ( there is a friggin money knome in our house stealing it for sure).
Prune the hydrangea's with my 80 year old next door neighbour ( honestly it's been going on for weeks and I keep forgetting, we will have to move house soon).
Not cook the same meals ,try some new delightful recipe that will make the whole family happy.
Go for a run at least 3 times ( I was running but then we had that awful rain and I had to stop, I am like a child if I break with routine it's weeks before i'll do it again)
Spend more quality time with the children and not tell them to go away.

Just a few things to be getting on with, and I am going to blog an update next Monday and my four lovely fellow blogger followers can call me a Procrastinating Petunia if I don't do them.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Scary Jumpers

I do love a bit of fashion, the SMH kindly showed us some delights for this winter. See Picture above. This outfit will set you back $450 for the Pearl Jumper and $890 for the padded skirt ( Camilla and Marc ) just in case you would like to purchase them .

Unless you are one of those Victoria's Secret Models, I am thinking Miranda Kerr , the Amazonian one that used to date Leo Dicaprio or Bar Raffeli who has legs up to her ears (incidently with legs like that you can get away with being called Bar ), that we all might look like we have raided Aunt Beryl's wardrobe . I know the skirt is a bit of a Chanel bag look a like too, but still for $890 I would sew it together and use it as one.

Sorry guys, but I won't be wearing a Pearly, turtleneck, shoulderpadded ,fluffy Jumper anytime soon.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

The Merits of Being in a Lesbian Relationship

I am not a lesbian, but the thought has crossed my mind. Imagine your husband to be another woman. Ok forget the sex part for now, let's just focus on the practical side of things.

A list of potential senario's..............

1. When you leave the house by yourself and your Lesbian partner is left to look after the children, I bet when you come home, the house will not be left in a mess and there will possibly be some homemade soup for dinner.

2. The children would have been fed something half decent, not 2 minute noodles or heated sausauge rolls ( ps I recently had to be away for 2 weeks and every time I rang home, the kids were eating crap for dinner-yes, sausage rolls, he thought it might be a nice change! )

3. The washing would be a joint effort whatever the process/cycle of the washing your partner would be able to just pick up where you left off.

4. She would understand if you had a headache and would not want to have sex regardless.

5. You could go shopping together, borrow each others clothes.

6. Yes, she would be able to read your mind

7. I bet she won't piss on the toilet seat and leave skids in the toilet bowl

8. You can seriously chat about ' does my bum look big in this '

The list could go on and on, the only thing missing would be if you like a big hard dick
other than that I think things would be quite good.

Maybe i'll have a mid life crisis and bat for the otherside, an update coming soon.

Ps, I had a bad day, piss on the toilet seat and skids in the bowl.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


I think Katie gets a bit of a hard time and I'd just like to stick up for her, a bit.

Yes, she is married to an Uber rich film star and I used to fancy him in Top Gun, but he just doesn't do it for me anymore.

Yes ,the whole Scientology thing is a bit weird too.

Yes, I think Suri could probably have a few earlier nights and a few less designer clothes bought for her and she looks like she could throw the most almighty tantrum's too.

But at least Katie looks half normal and if she wants to wear a pair of old jeans, shirt and have greasy hair and no make up she does, now that takes guts.

She must have a herd of paparazzi following her everywhere and I am way to vain to imagine rocking up the way she does.

So Good on you katie! you go girl, I reckon Tom loves you just the way you are.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

What's in a Name ?

I love nothing more than chatting about the names people give their children, you can be a total stranger and have just met me in a park and i'll be your best friend.

If you are pregnant and a stranger I will attempt to ask you if you have got any names for your baby yet?
When I was pregnant with my first child , I would want to chat for hours to my husband about potential names. He would last about five minutes and then refuse to participate, what it is with Men?
I have even thought about having more children, just so I can name them, however that is not an option as I don't actually want any more children, so I have resorted to Name spotting other people's children.

Here are just a few categories for names: Please note Girls names listed only

The classic names
Sarah, Kate, Elizabeth, Sophie-you get the idea

The old Fashioned names
Florence, Clementine, Henrietta, Evangeline etc

The Untouchables
Maud, Mildred,Gladys,Marjorie, Hilda

Place Names
Paris, Adelaide, Bronte, India
I have actually named one of these after my daughter and whilst I absolutely adore the name, there will be questions later , such as ' why am I named after a 3rd world country' be prepared
with answers

Weird Made up Names-Celebrities are the best at this, I figured if they ruin their child's life because of their name at least they can fork out the cash for therapy and keep them sheltered from the world.

I am feeling particulary sorry for Apple Paltrow-Martin , but here's another thought , Thinking Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, and according to Juliet ' a name is an artifcial meaningless Convention ' It is the person that you love or like , not their name and maybe that is true . So at School when the other kids first meet Apple and get to know her they will no longer think of a big Green shiny Apple, she will be loved for herself. It will just be tricky for inital meetings , name on her resume, booking restaurants etc when she is older.

This theory could work, when I was younger there was this really hot, drop dead georgeous boy at school called Rupert, but his name did bother me as I just could not get Rupert the Bear out of my head. I never got the chance to get to know him, maybe if I'd had the chance for a pash the name might not have been so bad.

So why do we agonise over naming our children? I believe we want to set them on the right path in life, however it might be your path and not theirs you are dreaming about.

I have a friend who insisted on calling her daughter a proper sensible name, in case she ends up being a CEO and has to front up in the Boardroom , not a bad idea. Then there is my tax accountant who has been named after an 1970's Avon perfume, she is not a happy camper and when I enquired further about her name she also mentioned that it actually has a meaning in Gallic which is 'heavy Burden' and it is a burden she has to live with, as I am sure she gets asked about it at least every few days.

Don't forget we have to think about the surname too, does it match with the first name, there are some names that just don't go.

I have a cousin who married a nice man with a surname Bogg, yes, I am not kidding. I am sure he did not advertise his surname on their first date, and then they fell in love . She has two children who are both Boggs, but refused to enter into Boggness herself.

So what is it to be? I am currently liking Ava for a girl and Oscar for a boy, and they will be my next imaginary children.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Stuck in a Rut?

I have theory about some people's Fashion Sense and and the answer is................
It is all about the Genes inherited from many generations back and who knows where they hale from. They could be from Great Aunt Helga with Nordic bloodlines, it's a Fashion Minefield . One thing is for sure though with your inherited sense of style you will be absolutely comfortable with it and change is unlikely.

Take my family for example......

My 8 year old daughter only cares for comfort ,looks are secondary, she will quite happily wear her grubby white trainers everywhere these include to parties, playdates, restaurants you name it. Forget the Silver ballet flats even though we spent 2 hours purchasing them and it was the 3rd time we had been to the shoeshop to exchange yet another pair. She obviously takes after her Father's side of the family.

My Husband thinks style is wearing an obscure music t-shirt and jeans.
My 5 year old son is showing the most promise and asks when he gets dressed if his clothes go together ,clearly he takes after my side of the family.

Then there is getting stuck in a rut where your fashion matches your house decor , we have a dear friend who is stuck in the 70's. Walking into her house is a blast from the past and her fashion attire is the same, she would have saved a small fortune by not shopping for the last 40 years!

But what are we to do, I have tried to change my Husband and I won't even go there. There have been many fights with my Daughter and I now choose my battles carefully.

I have noticed SJP might have the same problem, her husband seems a little lacking in the style department too ( I am getting scary flashbacks to my Music teacher at school who always ate Apples and burped alot) and I think she chose this outfit when she was pre-menstrual, we have all been there girlfriend!

I won't sweat the small stuff.

Dedicated to My Beautiful Mother

This Blog is dedicated to my Beautiful mother who died from cancer on April 26th 2010.
She was my Style Queen, I remember as a child sitting in her wardrobe and touching all her clothes and trying them on. I can still picture the Leopard print swing coat, the off the shoulder heavy crepe black evening dress and her silk blouses. I can still smell the scent of Miss Dior and picture her bright sparkly blue eyes and thinking she was the most Beautiful Mother ever .